Whereas women face more problems on the financial and career front in a post divorce scenario, men have been seen to be more vulnerable to health and psychological ailments. More then 60 percent of the time, divorce suits are filed by women. Thus it will be safe to assume that men are often ill informed and rather ill prepared for the imminent catastrophe. This certainly adds to the magnitude of post divorce stress. Another major contributor to the male agony after divorce is a faulty self concept that hampers a long term adjustment.
Emotional Adjustment Contrary to what women believe, men identify strongly with their marriage and cherish their role as a provider and a protector. Ironically, this is the very thing that worsens their disturbed emotional framework during and after a divorce. Please do not think that I am against men. Infact I am myself a man and have had my share of marital upheavals though not a full blown divorce. Considering my personal experience, I feel that the faulty concept of manhood that men rely on adds to their emotional upheaval, both before and after a divorce.
This makes them ignore the sensitive side of their personality and retards the post divorce adjustment. Women no more need to be protected by men. Times have changed.
The sooner you realize this, the better. This will not only alleviate the pain of divorce by putting things in the right perspective, but will help you move ahead with an up to date mind set. Health A divorce is prone to cast a gloomy shadow on all the aspects of a man's health, be it physical or psychological.
Infact, single men have been found to be twice as prone to suicide as compared to those who are placed in a stable relationship. Mostly it is women who manage and take care of the nutritional well being of a family. Being deprived of their primary caregiver, men become more susceptible to unhealthy eating habits. They tend to gorge more on junk food and stray away from a healthy lifestyle. Added to this the post divorce emotional trauma may worsen the things.
This it is imperative that you maintain a healthy lifestyle and be cautious about your health. Be wary of the instances of over drinking or a desire to indulge in substance abuse. In case the things become unmanageable, it will be wise to go for professional help and counseling. Social Adjustment Being busy with work or for other such reasons, men often tend to ignore the social front of their life. Social relationships forged by them are more likely to lack in intimacy.
Women on the contrary specialize in developing a secure social network that provides much needed empathy and emotional support in the time of need. It's important for men to work on the social side of their life after divorce. Try to seek support from friends and family members and get over the typically masculine hesitation of exposing your soft side to the people who love you. Join the clubs and activity groups meant for single people. Do not shy away from soliciting help from counselors or your church group.
Children If you are a non custodial parent, you are bound to miss the regular contact with your children. Men do love their children, but often fail to express it verbally. Though divorced, still you have got the opportunity to be a role model for your children. Try to establish a workable relationship with your ex to facilitate a mutually acceptable and cooperative visitation plan. Be prompt with your child support payments. Through your conduct, assure your children that you are still an important part of their life.
Remain in touch with them through phone calls, letters and email. All this effort on your part will bring immense satisfaction and will dilute the pain of being away from your children. Remember that the people who survive are the one who want to. So move on with life with a positive attitude and be a survivor. This is not the end of the world.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
