How To Be A Nice Guy And Still Get Laid

I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"

Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby", I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere, and how to get around this social handicap without having to take night courses in "How to be a Jerk" at your local community college (although I hear they ARE a great place to meet sexy young women... ;-)

I'm sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out there, all the guys are all such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.

Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date & screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into their life yet. Rrrrr-ight.

Ok, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are talking in code. (They are famous for this).

When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male sexual attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well... that's a different story.

This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for. It's what she thinks of as having 'chemistry' with a guy.

The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse kind of SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early stages of all romantic-sexual encounters is always communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid. Here's why:

'Nice-guy' behavior is NOT something that women see you as "switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that you've been TRAINED (yes, like a f***ing dog) by other, *more powerful* men in your world to act this way!

In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and therefore... is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!

This is why they can't develop any sexual energy (i.e., chemistry) with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness (because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.

You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance of mating & seduction in all creatures is linked inseparably to this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!